Hi! My name is Sonia and I think like most people, I have struggled through events or times that have given me anxiety or made me feel like absolute garbage. I have to say though, that I usually make an effort be an especially positive person and I’m all about being around people with good vibes.
Unfortunately, 2016 didn’t start off to great for me: with studying for critical exams, dealing with break-ups and make-ups, winter blues, and awful injuries/sicknesses… Here’s my go-to on how to stay positive in times of adversity. We were born to be resilient and these tips helped me get through a lot!
Surround yourself with positive people that make you laugh and feel good
It’s okay to get space from friends and family in order to work on yourself. If you’re in a toxic relationship, understand what it’s doing for you. Hang out with people who are positive influences on you- who build you up and you have fun with! If you surround yourself with people who are constantly competing and comparing themselves with you, it will start to take a toll.
Don’t compare yourself to others
To expand on the previous note…this is definitely easier said than being done. It is too easy to compare yourself to others. I found that I wasn’t so much comparing myself on looks or academics, but in terms of what people were doing while I was doing what I was doing. In the peak of studying for a huge exam (spending way too much time in a library), it was hard to see people traveling and actually being outside. I had to remember that we’re all doing something we’re supposed to be doing and my time will come to travel, etc. If you find that you’re always comparing yourself to other people and its making you feel more insecure or anxious, just remember: there will always be people who are better and worse than you, but you have to try and be the best you can be!
Go on an adventure
Every week you should make an effort to discover a new place in your city OR if you have the time and money, book a weekend to go somewhere! You would be so surprised how much fun and time you can spend walking around a new area. If you don’t want to go by yourself, take a fun friend. My go-to is to bring a friend and my camera and bike or walk around for the whole day and then look through our pictures. This is such an easy and affordable way of getting outside!
Do some TLC
I’m always on the go. Sometimes too much and I find that I overcommit to things. If you’re like me and your schedule is a routine of working/studying then racing to the gym, you can agree that sometimes it gets so exhausting. Take a day to not go out or commit to anyone and commit to yourself instead. You can definitely do this with a friend, but strive to take as much time on you as you need. Go and buy something great for yourself, watch a really cheesy movie with your sweat pants and face mask on. Paint your nails if you’re constantly biting them. GET A MASSAGE!!!
Exercise
For someone who gets pretty anxious and experiences depressive symptoms, I find exercise to be a helpful alternative to just staying in my bed or stressing over assignments and work. I’m fortunate to have always been involved in sports and have exercise as part of my daily routine, but if you struggle to get to a gym or have motivation to exercise, find a gym partner who you can plan gym dates with. It can be really fun and relaxing to meet up with someone and go to the gym together or try a work-out with each other. As part of your TLC, you can buy new workout clothes that you feel comfortable in and make you feel good too. There are a lot of websites with workouts you can do at home as well. It’s important for young adults to try and get 30 minutes of exercise a day, and is scientifically proven that exercise reduces your stress levels and leaves you feeling happier than before (endorphins!!)
Do something good for someone else
So I did just say to take some time for YOU, but do you know how good it feels to see someone else smiling by doing something good for them? If you see something a friend or family member might like, wrap it up and give it to them spontaneously. Or send your best friend or boyfriend/girlfriend a message throughout the day telling them how great they are and how much you appreciate them in your life. Sometimes we forget or are too busy to take a second and be positive to other people too. My best tip is to invite someone else over and cook for them or buy them dinner. Your good deeds won’t be forgotten!
Walk away from things that hurt you
Don’t get stuck up on events and people that have made you feel like poop. If you wrote a test that you think went poorly, walk away and know that writing the test is half the battle. You won’t get those marks back for a while, so in the meantime, fixate on things that you’re good at to build your confidence back up. People can say mean things too, and although not everything that is said is always meant, don’t get fixated on words or texts. You know who you are, you’re probably a very good person. Keep that as a mantra and live by it because the worst thing that can happen is you start believing the things people think of you. People will always judge you, but you gotta do you.
Smile more
It takes more energy to frown than to smile. I’m that girl that walks down the street and looks super intimidating because I forgot to smile even when I’m perfectly happy. Listen to songs that make you smile and be friendly to people (even if you’re just passing by)… their reciprocated smile will make you feel great too.
Talk to someone
Hopefully you have loved ones and friends who are understanding, compassionate and want to listen to you. Don’t be afraid to talk to them. Be selfish for a bit and vent your emotions—you’ll find that you may get in more problems or feel worse if you keep your feelings to yourself or don’t get a second opinion of a situation you’re in. If you don’t have people you can ultimately trust or feel you may need more support, there is no shame in talking to a counsellor or therapist. There is a lot of stigma around those who seek help from therapists, but you shouldn’t be worried about that because they are there to listen and sometimes you may have more feelings or worries that your friends are capable of dealing with.
There are of course tons more tips I could try and suggest, but I’m still working on staying positive too! I could tell you to love yourself but I know how easy that is to say, and sometimes how little it is acted on.
Just know that even if times are tough and it feels like everything you’re working towards is falling down on you and nothing is going your way, it won’t always be like that. It may take longer than you want it to and some days you think you will have hit rock bottom, but you can only go up from there. People will understand if you’re not having a great day or just want a hug, especially if they know what you’re going through.
Wake up and tell yourself, today is YOUR day. You have every right to be here.
