Finding a way to smile even though you’re hurting is a massive part of being a woman. It is us ladies who have mastered the art of being able to hide how we really feel to the people who care about us the most. Even though it makes us feel better for a temporary amount of time, it is extremely damaging in the long run.
The fact that we have to hide how we feel should send out a red flag to us in the first place. I have to hide how I feel on a daily basis, how I feel about my childhood; how I feel about where I am in my life now; how I feel about my relationship; how I feel about my body, the list could go on. Regardless of how I truly feel inside, I put a smile on and crack on with my day. But every so often, my old friend called pain pops up to say hi, and kindly reminds me of everything I’ve been blocking out.
I wish I didn’t have the natural reflex to, when I feel pain, block it out and smile like everything is okay. I often (like most people) vent through music. One song that I related to more then the rest when I was younger was Ludacris – Runaway Love.
I used to lock myself away and sing my little heart out, cry, let it out and with the put on a smile and brave face I would be ready to face the world again. To this day at the age of twenty-five I still sing to this song when it gets to much for me. I still have the same routine… I sing.. Cry.. Listen to Runaway Love.. then wipe my eyes and face the world with a big happy face, the same happy face that hides all my pain … but that happy face is all fake … it’s just smoke and mirrors to protect my scars.