Well, at least that’s what I thought until it came into my life. When I say came ‘into my life‘ I mean it in the ‘physical‘
form that you create with your mind. Depression is often said to be a chemical imbalance in your brain but it could also be triggered because something has happened in your life that results in oneself ‘burning out’. Although it’s relatively normal to feel deflated or low after a long weekend of partying, feeling the physical burn after an intense work out, but this emotional pain that resonates in your body as a result of depression, is so much more than that.
Depression has many different analogies but one of my favourites is the ‘the house of cards’. Every time you meet someone and start to build a relationship with them they add a card to your ‘house’, every time there is a problem or stress in your life another ‘card’ is added and eventually when your ‘house’ may have had too many cards added or its design isn’t very stable, it will come crashing down.
At first, I didn’t really know what was happening; it was alien to me and I couldn’t seem to silence the thoughts of dread in my head. Not being able to sleep went hand in hand with not being able to get up and my fiance’s family soon began to worry that I may be getting ill. I was then ambushed by my own family and forced to go to the doctors as they had “seen this before”. Once we’d arrived, I remember saying to my dad in the waiting room “we can just leave, the doctors can’t do anything” but he Just shot me a look as if to say don’t even try it.
After being told I was overthinking things, my doctor gave me a phone number and some pills. I went home feeling very deflated and I did something that I would never advise when you are ill; I googled my medication. Anti-depressant was plastered all over the screen but the doctor hadn’t mentioned me being depressed?
In my head, as I look over google at all the information, I’m coming to realise I have a new found friend; depression.
Depression: “So depression; how soft are you?”
Depression: “I never thought you would get depressed! Eh just goes to show you are weaker than you thought!”
Me: “Shut up, I am going to get better”
Depression: “… No you’re not!”
I sighed to myself and asked, “Will I ever feel like me again?”
Depression: “You don’t have to think about that now, let’s turn all the lights out, get into bed and forget about it eh?”
Me: “OK, I am tired. Tomorrow is another day.”
Depression: “Yeah, tomorrow is your day.”
Deep down I knew my new friend didn’t really believe that and, at the time, neither did.