I made that random comment one early morning, as I drove with some friends for a ski weekend. I was happy and healthy then, just making an off the cuff comment about the prior night.
Skipping ahead many years, I truly thought life was over rated. Actually I thought living was over rated.
I had been through years of what I thought was a horrible life, I didn’t recognize that I was ill. I went to work each day, pretended all was fine, and practiced law for 10 hours each day. Then tears as I drove home, looking at another night of insomnia. This went on for weeks, months, even years. Solo lunches were common.
Mental illness wasn’t discussed as openly as it is now. My profession didn’t help either. As a lawyer, I fixed problems, I didn’t have problems. The lawyer in the family looked after other family members. I wasn’t the one with difficulties. So we all thought.
March 2003 – the turning point in my life. I was diagnosed with depression, lost my career because of my mental illness, and had a mental breakdown. All in the span of 5 days. Not my best week.
I spent 3 months in bed, then 2 years in the house but for weekly therapy sessions.
Setting aside the devastating impact depression had on my mind and life, I had great difficulty understanding what had happened. One day, practicing law at a high level, then days later, collapsed in bed. It was tough to get my mind, such as it was, around that set of circumstances. There seemed to be no logic for what had occurred. But logical thinking and depression don’t always match
With the best of support and understanding from my family, therapy for a number of years, and my wanting to get healthy, it all gave rise in 2007 to my being on the path to be healthy, happy, and hopeful.
As I began to surface in the world, I had this deep desire to explain to people what had happened to me.
I knew I could talk and write, I did that a lawyer. I thought with that knowledge, and my new found knowledge of mental illness, I could perhaps be some type of advocate. I soon realized talking on behalf of a client in a courtroom was easy compared to talking about my life in front of 500 people at a mental health conference.
I drafted an article on my journey and sent it to the local newspaper. No response. I went bigger and sent it to the National Post. I heard the following day that my article was a great fit for a new series the paper would be running the following month. This would be the first time I went public about my mental illness. The editor chose the title, “ How I Returned to a Life Worth Living.” She understood!
The words Worth Living have been with me since, I use them when I speak or write. The spirit of the words also play a role in my life and advocacy work.
For me, a “worth living moment” is a special, important time that should be recognised, remembered, even honoured. Grab on to that moment forever!
A short story about a worth living moment.
After my breakdown, I wanted to look after myself, fix my mind, get myself collected. I focused on me.
I didn’t date for 12 years. Too long perhaps …but necessary.
Then one day I met someone, EM. My em. We talked for hours, she readily accepted and understood my history with mental illness. Our first date – she took me for sushi, she knew that I had never eaten sushi. I know – my life was quiet, people had been eating it for years. Not me though . She ordered, I had no clue what to order! She wanted to share my first sushi! We told stories, laughed, a few tears, we simply shared. That was a “worth living moment”.
That’s my journey – but it continues.
Life is not over rated – Life is Worth Living
To read more from Keith Anderson, check out his site here.
