In Memory of Chloe: A Parents Perspective

Theresa May has recently been speaking about Mental Health and the changes that need to be made. Trevor Bygate, lost his daughter Chloe Rose to suicide, aged 19. Mental Movement caught up with him to hear his story. 

Trevor who has spoken to the BBC regarding this, also has worked tirelessly alongside ‘Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide‘  and has this year set up his own social media page ‘Miles for Mental Health Awarness’ available on Facebook and Twitter Trevor has taken to running to raise both awareness and funds for Mental Health charities and is passionate about the need for change. 

It’s so saddening to hear of your loss, how long did your daughter suffer from a mental illness and what help did she receive? 

My daughter Chloe suffered from a young age and my first experience of her mental health issues was being told by my other daughter Jessica that Chloe had attempted to take an overdose at the age of 14. I was never told because it was kept from me by my previous wife and I was disappointed not to be told by the medical staff but at the time they lived in Haverfordwest in south west Wales. I was serving in the Army in Suffolk so certain information was kept between my ex partner and the doctors. Chloe did attend many doctors appointments and she was also referred to CAMHS but again the information given to me was very little because of the distance and the fact the medical team referred all information to her mother. She was eventually discharged from CAMHS at 16 but was never followed up to see if she needed any support from the adult mental health sector. I know all this because when she died I visited CAMHS and requested her files and received all correspondents on her medical history which was a very sad and disappointing read.

It’s suffice to say that the level of care required wasn’t available to Chloe Rose, what do you feel needs to be done? 

I feel from the early stages of a young person showing any signs of a mental health issue they should be supported straight away, there should be no waiting time because that could add to their issues. I’m a big believer that we should have local drop in centres for them to visit with qualified mental health support workers so issues can be supported asap and the young person can have the confidence to visit and talk to someone who is qualified in mental health first aid, this is only a two day course that can be ran within the community. The mental health first aid course should be brought into teacher training and maybe a shortened version within the school curricula, this will help adults and young people to be able to support each other and give them the confidence to open up to a close friend or adult they trust. Also it would be beneficial to get qualified people trained in the ASIST  (Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training) course as this will broaden the education on early intervention and prevention and can be shared within the community by a qualified instructor. I myself will be getting qualified in all these courses so that I can offer support within the community.

There are many adolescents who contemplate suicide, and indeed act upon it. What advice would you give them?

When a young person is having a difficult time and contemplates suicide its very important for family and friends to provide instant support showing love, care and helping the young person feel wanted and that they have a bright future and lots to offer. Help with the offer of supporting them during medical and support groups will show them your will to be with them on their journey through the difficult times and that they don’t have to suffer alone. When they do feel alone make sure that someone is always in contact or around them so they always have that intervention and preventative support. Its about filling them with confidence and trying to get them to interact with positive things in life, things that make them feel good. For instance sports or hobbies they enjoy or reading , etc. I understand that we can’t always be around 24/7 but if we know someone is having problems and suicidal thoughts it’s hugely important that we make every effort to be there so if we can’t be around we make sure someone else is, be that family, friends or support workers. The pain of losing a child is unbearable so to give time to be there is priceless.

Equally, there are many concerned parents. How would you suggest they broach this subject? 

As a parent its difficult because not all young people like to open up to their parents, but for me showing extra love, care and constant support through all the difficult times, attending appointments and support groups with them will show your dedication in helping them recover. If love alone could save them our loved ones would still be here so this is why we need to show them dedication and that you understand their problem and are willing to make changes to encourage recovery.

In memory of your daughter, you’ve dedicated yourself to making a better and safer future for others. In the introduction we touched upon this, what activities have you engaged in to remove the stigma surrounding mental health? 

For me to try and remove the stigma around mental health I’ve be constantly campaigning for mental heath to be seen as a real illness, a hidden wound that needs medical support to aid recovery. I’ve done numerous amounts of fundraising for charity and during the events I’m constantly looking at talking about the mental health issue and the support it needs from the wider community. I’ve started my own miles for mental health awareness page so people can share their runs, cycling, walks, dog walks and anything that can improve the wellbeing of an adult or young person who is suffering. The page also contains a JustGiving page i’ve started to potentially raise money to help fund and qualify as many people in the mental health first aid course. I’ve a target of £10000 so this could potentially qualify 50 people. I’m engaging with police recruits and college students carrying out talks around the mental health subject and also on the subject of suicide and I just recently attended the Houses of Parliament with the charity Youngminds to listen to the Health Secretary talk about the governments pledge on mental health support, to which I thought was nice but its still far from enough. The help need to come from within the community and close family and friends, this is why education is imperative. After speaking to a professional phycologist it was said the they only get a snap shot of the patient as where family and friends and work colleagues get a longer time to see potential signs, another reason why the education in mental health could be life saving.

Miles for Mental Health Awareness is focused on running to raise awareness and funds – do you have any upcoming marathons or runs in the diary? 

I’ve not got any plans a such yet as I’m currently going through a transfer in the Army to become a full-time welfare worker so I can support soldiers and families and the chain of command through any difficult time, I will hopefully do this for the remaining 5 years of my service and them go into a job full time as a civilian, supporting adults and young people. this for me would be a dream and I know my daughter Chloe would be proud and her death can eventually have a positive outcome.

A lot of focus is put on Mental Health sufferers, but equally information and training needs to be made available to the sufferers’ loved ones so they can provide support. How would you suggest we go about this? 

The offer of the mental health first aid course to family and loved ones is a must, the difficulty you have is the cost as it ranges from £150 to £250 per person per course so we should look at funding for the community. This is the purpose of my JustGiving page to fund these course for those that need it.

You can visit Trevor’s crowdfunding page here