So, I’m starting this wonderful new chapter in my life – something that I never imagined I’d be doing, and I’m doing it without medication!
It’s been nearly 2 months now since I took my last dose of fluoxetine which I have taken on and off for the last 10 years for depression, OCD, anxiety, and bulimia. The most important thing you should know is that I stopped taking the medication because I felt ready to and under the supervision of my doctor (you should never just stop taking any medication without seeking medical advice first)
Suffering from depression when you have nothing really to be depressed about can be frustrating and confusing, and if you don’t understand it yourself there’s no chance anyone else around you will get it either. It makes such a difference now more people are being open and talking about mental health issues, it’s not a dirty word anymore and people don’t need to afraid or ashamed to speak about how they feel.
It’s totally impossible to fully describe to you the way I feel when I’m at my worst! I don’t understand it myself half the time, but imagine constantly battling in your mind, every moment trying to decide if the reactions you are having to everyday situations are normal or if you should be thinking, feeling or acting differently! Sometimes I even know that the what I’m thinking is absolute nonsense and I tell myself that repeatedly but I still slip back to the original nonsense thoughts.
The thing about losing control is it creeps up on you, as the days, weeks and months pass by and you are so busy with your lives you carry on until suddenly it all seems harder and you can’t deal with the world around you anymore.
Much like us, human’s mental health problems come in all different shapes and sizes. For me when I feel low I get this crippling anxiety and paranoia, what people are saying and thinking about me? I convince myself that I’m completely alone and that no one wants to be around me, should I have said that? Should I have done that? Have they fallen out with me? Everyone at work hates me! Conversations I have with people I will play over and over in my mind until I’ve got it so twisted and have made it into something completely different to how it was. Add into the mix the binging and purging, which is just a constant cycle of feeling shit about stuff, eating loads to make yourself feel better, feeling better while you’re eating shit, feeling shit for eating loads, making yourself sick, feeling better for like 5 minutes after being sick, feeling shit about making yourself sick again, promising yourself that tomorrow is a new start and this will stop, getting on with the day and pretending it never happened!
These days have gradually become few and farther between but I’m not “cured”, there is no “cure”! The bad days still happen but they are mixed in with a lot of good days and with so many positive things happening in my life right now, a good routine and a great support system I decided it was time to try life without medication. After spending so long depending on my little yellow and green pills it was very daunting to think of coping without them. So far so good but I guess the true test will be next year when I’m
After spending so long depending on my little yellow and green pills it was very daunting to think of coping without them. So far so good but I guess the true test will be next year when I’m traveling the world, being away from my support and familiar surroundings dealing with my OCD, anxiety, depression, and bulimia.
*Disclaimer: If you are considering altering your dose/medication, or support in any way, please ensure you consult with your GP first. You should never just stop taking any medication all of a sudden, it should be done so under the care and close watch of a medical professional.