In Recovery: Dear Depression, I Am SO Over You

posted by Nicole McClean July 3, 2017

Dear Depression,

You have been apart of my life for longer than I care to acknowledge. You are my worst enemy pretending to be my best friend. I feel like things are not true especially with the people I love. You tell me I am not good enough, I am not lovable, I will never be good enough.

I have tried ways to make sure you are not there, that you are no longer part of my life but you always succeed.

As a result, You make me feel like a burden.

You make me feel misunderstood.

Making me think people talk about me behind my back laughing at me, judging me.

You inform me nobody in my life cares and everybody would be better off without me here. You scare me.
It’s incredibly hard but I am so over you!

“The smallest step in the right direction can turn out to be the biggest step of your life”

I know I am loved

I know I am wanted

I am sick of depression clouding my judgement, clouding my thoughts. it’s hard to push the positive feelings forward to the front of my brain. To acknowledge you have the strength to keep that back terrifies me.

Words mean nothing when depression overtakes you, actions are all that matters.

Today I will stop fighting with you! I have learnt some valuable lessons but now it’s time to leave. In a way, you won the battle, but I have won the war. I will continue to speak about depression. I will overcome the obstacles you throw at me.

I miss my old life, the old me. The happy me, bright and smiley me. But,

THIS IS MY LIFE, NOT YOURS.

Sincerely Nicole.

 

You can find more writing from Nicole on her blog here.

Nicole McClean
Mama of my Girl Gang, Disability rights & Mental health advocate. Contributor writer for The mighty site & Thrive Global.
Nicole McClean

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