Self Dialogue, 3 years ago
“Come on, Char, you’ve read about self-love seven million times throughout your life and let’s be real, it’s just for those special people that have somehow been given the gift of self-acceptance and self-worth that have it. Not me, not little old me, come on now. Also, I’ve got to be successful, beautiful and amazing before I can even start and I am definitely not any of those things so I give up!”
Honestly, guys, I would skip the parts of magazines that told you that building confidence involved exercising, sleeping well, eating well, being mindful and all that malarky because I didn’t believe any of it was true. I thought you either loved yourself, or you didn’t. I was convinced that it was not a choice and not something I’d ever have a say in. Oh boy, how I was so, so wrong. Never did I think that exercising or sleeping properly could be part of helping me LOVE MYSELF? I thought I just wasn’t one of those people, you know, the ones who were selected to have such a gift and were so effortlessly content in themselves. Looking in the mirror I did not like what I saw growing up, and that was that. The kids at school didn’t really help either, in fact, they were a huge part of my insecurities. Of course, my mum always told me I was enough and beautiful but that doesn’t really count, right? Your mum is your mum, she is like conditioned to say that, right? I thought that I was just unlucky and for whatever reason, that was the way I was designed to be, forever more. How SELF SABOTAGING is that? Little did I know I’d grow up to learn the best facts of life, 1. That Self Love is REAL, 2. That I would learn to love myself and 3. That I’d actually start to feel AMAZING based on nothing but the things I tell myself every day, the people I let into my happy bubble and the actions I take daily to create my dream world, which I’m currently laying down the foundations of.
I’ve not got it completely sorted. But It’s a work in progress and it’s honestly one of the best processes I’ve ever discovered or been through. I know some of you are probably thinking, yeah okay that’s you but what about ME, I’m this and this and this and I could never feel that way. This is just another article that yet again I cannot relate to. Humpf…
Snap out of that, even just for a second. This article is for YOU because you are absolutely outstanding and you are worth more than you could ever imagine. And I want to help you move your butt step by step to actually BELIEVE THIS and start implementing it into your daily life. (I would have rolled my eyes at this 3 years ago) but here I am, writing this because I believe it more than ever.
Take note of your negative self-talk.
We have 35,000 thoughts a day …MAD RIGHT!?…and a lot of them can be pretty damn nasty, but because they are inside our heads and not outside our heads it doesn’t matter because no one can hear them? WRONG. You can hear them, and you are the only person who’s going to hear them every day for the rest of your life! It’s so easy to be negative towards ourselves because it seems to be more socially acceptable? Which is bizarre because surely we should support each other supporting ourselves!? I got so used to saying the same things to myself that I started to believe them, and it became my reality. I was so surprised just how quickly I could turn that around by being kind to myself, constantly.
Self-love doesn’t mean perfection – this is something I am still working on.
To me, Self Love means really valuing what you have to offer, being comfortable and committed to the process and the journey of liking yourself. It means accepting you for who you are and taking ownership of that. I thought obtaining Self Love would arrive when I reached a level of success and perfection and that suddenly and all at once there would be SO MUCH LOVE IN ME. But what If you could have self love throughout the whole process. What if we could feel like magic more days than not instead of when we become that person we envision being in the future. Surely reaching our end goal can’t only be the moment we finally deserve to love ourselves? You can absolutely commit to loving yourself throughout the journey, not just when you reach your destination.
Your journey will be different from the person next to you, and that’s okay.
Depending on the way we were brought up, the things we experienced as a child, or at school can really have a say in how much we value ourselves. You may feel some people just love themselves so naturally, and for them, that is amazing! However, we aren’t all the same and although we all came into this word the same way, we have all lived completely different lives. It’s okay that it may take you a few years to finally love the skin your in, it’s okay if your friends got there before you, it really doesn’t matter. All that truly matters is your journey of self-care and how much love you reinvest back into your life. For me, it’s a lifelong journey and I really believe I’ll learn more and more as I go on. I have not set it as a destination, but more as a commitment to my present self and my future self, to be as kind to my heart as possible.
You don’t have to change your life overnight
I have read so many self-help books and so many of them promise you that you can change your life overnight. I’m not saying you can’t because you can absolutely have a revelation that triggers you to make long-lasting permanent life changes, however from that moment forward it is a journey that will have its ups and downs, tests and triggers. It’s perfectly okay to have a few months that you feel AMAZING and completely unstoppable, they are real and they count! But it’s also okay to have setbacks, to have days or weeks where you feel like all your hard work, isn’t actually working. It’s in these moments, where the biggest internal change takes place. When you fall back, remind yourself that it is normal, and it is okay to have bad days, setbacks and struggles. That is just another opportunity to grow and to learn from your circumstances and habits. There is no limit to how many times you can reinvent yourself and your life! It’s a process you can rewrite over and over again until you find new habits that feel a little less like pressure and a lot more like home.
You are invaluable and endlessly loved.
Self Love London